Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

Interlude

Boston - More Than a Feeling

[3rd Verse]
When I'm tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
And dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped away

[Chorus]
It's more than a feeling (More than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play (More than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (More than a feeling)
'Til I see Marianne walk away

There are multiple overlapping meanings here. My chest hurts and eyes tear.

Mediocre working headphones on (EarPods) on and scooping soup into a container. Lightly signing along. I’ve always liked the band Boston. S12 lightly makes fun of how I sound when there is no song he can hear. OK, OK S12, let me take the headphones off so you can hear too. Who doesn’t like singing along to Boston? Finish scooping soup and put container in the fridge…on to some dishes…”CHILDREN! 10 dishes each please!” Groans all around. Let’s see, 2 1/2 hours since getting home.

Tired when I got home from work and after standstill traffic on the toll expressway (I paid for being in standstill traffic, sigh) I noticed W’s car parked nearby. I finished my phone conversation and got my stuff out of my car. I noticed W driving away. She was sitting in her vehicle all this time? Not in the house with S12? Huh. Put my stuff down and change into shorts and T-shirt. It is warm here. D17’s baby bird greets me with obsessive chirps.

I’m hungry, tired, but I need to focus on children’s request to have more “meals dad, not just cooked ingredients.” They all seem to want different foods and I had taken to making basics they can assemble. i.e. beans, rice, fruit, veggies, etc…. “If you want meals kids, I need your help in identifying what things you will eat when WE make them. You have to help.” So, D18 has been making weekly lists of one dish each day. Mexican last week. Canadian this week. S12 and I grocery shopped for most of the ingredients the other day.

They have been helping make the dishes but Ds were out and S12 busy right now. Canadian Cheese Soup is first on the list this week. I can do that. I chop the veggies and potatoes, heat the bullion, start bacon frying, and put butter in a pot for the thickener. One of my sisters calls while I am making. A few minutes later I am: flipping bacon RIGHT NOW before it burns, mashing the potatoes and veggies as their timer dinged, stirring flour into the milk and butter (only have 2 minutes), talking to my sister, when D18 arrives home and starts sobbing because she had left food in her room and there were lots of flies. “Daaaaaad! Help!!! Now!” She must be really tired and worn out. Whew! I can do this. “Of course I will help you D18, pause on my bed and rest a minute while you wait for me.” I say goodby to my sister. Dump thickener into the soup and mash it. Chop bacon into bits and dump into soup. And finally dump in the cheese and stir. Now it can wait while I help D18.

D17 is dropped off at home. D17 and I think the soup is delicious. S12 eats a bean, rice and cheese burrito instead. D18 still is isn’t feeling well so I’ll put on my headphones and start picking up. D18 thanks me for saying I’ll put her soup into a container for her.

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