Today changed completely again. Some of the earlier posters here were unfortunately right. I had had a feeling for a bit that there was something going on and confronted her with it. No physical affair but there was/is an emotional one going on.
This is one of my red lines and I told her that I am not going to live together while she is having affairs. She told me she never has and has no intent while we are still in the same place, but emphasised that afterwards this would definitely be the case. She also sees that I am struggling (not because of our marriage but more generally because it is hard balancing everything) and she would work with me to find a financial settlement. Prior to telling her family, which is a major concern for her given that they are not accepting of this. I do believe there is no PA but the EA is likely further than she lets on - I put down that I will share with her family. She got pretty upset, accusing me of being threatening while being pretty threatening herself. I am not sure if this is deliberate as she feels that she can push me. There is probably some of that.
The one mistake I made is sounding her out if we could occasionally have sex while still living together and her setting herself up professionally. Bad on me, I should have known better. I am pretty upset with myself on this.
Later in the afternoon she became pretty aggressive again telling me why we had not separated yet and she had known we should have done so a while ago (all while not being able to do anything really today). This time I did call her out and called her parents to inform them despite her threats to blow things up even more. She did not expect this to happen and I suspect thought she could keep me from it.
Not sure where this will go. I am struggling balancing everything at the moment and today she just overstepped. There need to be some consequences now and I am not just going to be the nice husband whom she can run over. I will now distance myself from all of this. As you guys set out, focus on me and the kids.
