So an update. Although I didn't expect her to come and help clean up and prepare house, she did end up spending 6-7 hours helping me put finishing touches. There were some conversations but she's still defensive and still rewriting our marriage and telling me that I started arguments which is absurd but I don't bother arguing with her gaslighting. She still sounds confused and still puts out forced tears which I tend to no longer give any value to. I hinted that I'm not dumb and know what's going on without telling her how and immediately she asks if I'm talking to OM 3 about it, then she tells me he spoke to me which isn't the case. So basically she continues communicating with OM 3 while pursuing OM 4 lol. I think she likes keeping them all around as a form of a roster, I'm kind of glad I'm not part of this roster and I made it clear I am not lumping myself in with her lovers, BTW she still talks to OM 2 as "just a friend" (they work together). I basically read between the lines and see that this is her new lifestyle, having her male harem of dudes that she can jump from. She tried convincing me to get a place her after we sell but I reiterated I'm leaving and there will be no friendship. I honestly don't want to be associated with those other lovers and she pushes me to have that situation. The more time passes the more I realize I need as much physical and mental distance from her. My dignity comes above all now and I am not in the mood to debase myself for this woman. I honestly think that the only way she'll open her eyes is to lose me for good and for my own sake I think that is best as well. Mediation 2 hr session comes on Thursday and she finally agreed to appointment so that's a positive. One day at a time I guess is my strategy now and continued focus on my health and mental well being. In an odd way I'm kind of glad she came only to remind me of the woman she is now and how little connection I'm having with her as the days go. It's a gentle and subtle reminder for me that I can do better than her and I'm not really losing anything. What once was is no longer there
There's a saying, once a good loving man finally gives up. You've lost him forever, I feel like I'm getting awfully close to this mindset
