So I'm getting a little frustrated. Our mediator gave us a set of dates for 2hr mediation session to go through financial disclosures and begin drafting up an agreement, I asked her what time was best for her and I agreed on a time. I sent to mediator this request and she has not replied to mediator who asked her if that time works for her. Our house is to be listed for sale this Monday, she offered to help me clean up and prepare the home for sale, now she is ignoring my requests for this, I'm fine with this as I'll just end up doing it all myself as I expected. It feels again much like for the last many months that she isn't taking this seriously. I have my lawyer also on retainer, but I have wanted to avoid using her as I can't be blowing my brains out on the 500/hr legal fees to put pressure on her to get things done. Based on her messages to new dude, she's already talking to him about growing old with him and spending the rest of their lives together, she literally just met him I sense she's in the cloud in the sky distraction mode again, as this is OM number 4 and her cycles of infatuation are going at a more accelerated pace now. Every time she goes through these phases nothing else in the world matters. I'd really like to avoid using my lawyer as I'll need her for rubber stamping the separation agreement stuff after mediation but I'm sensing I will have no choice as nothing is happening and she's just ignoring everything hoping the status quo continues.
On GAL front I've never felt better and I want to continue my new habits and new focus but I want to do it as far away from her train wreck as possible. I know I'm supposed to distance myself from her but this can be difficult when having to deal with a home sale and mediation where I need 100% cooperation and consent/signatures on her part. For me I feel the clock is ticking and I'm approaching 42, all of this started when I was 39 or so and it feels like she's holding me up from moving on and having a normal life. I don't believe in dating while separated and still legally married and I don't want to have any physical/legal attachments to her but I feel like she's doing the best she can to avoid dealing with things and keeping me around as her fall back while she tries man after man to see if she will find someone to replace me with. I do not want to feel like an object and although I've had hope up until recently although slim as it may be, I do not think I can see myself with her even if she changes her ways. She has done absolutely nothing to change herself or look inwards, in fact I think keeping me around gives her someone to blame for anything that goes wrong. Without seeing progress from her part I feel I do not need this anchor keeping the ship that is my life from sailing to sunny shores.
