Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

Thanks DnJ,

W is living in her RV at an RV Park 15 minutes away. It does have resale value (though I don't think she had it inspected well and it needs expensive maintenance) and at $600/month lot rental is much less than half the monthly cost of an apartment here of the same size. She views it as a temporary transition place to live. She has spoken to me and the mediator of her plans to purchase land nearby and build a house for her with space for the children in the future. I said nothing. She has no idea of how real estate or home construction works and how long it will take. I mentioned these plans to my tough blue collar type sister, who just snorted and quipped "f'n five years MAYBE." By that time D18 and D17 will be out on their own and S12 will be almost ready to graduate high school.

Her near-term rationale is not bad but her ability to honestly view the future is ... warped right now. She has never been the one to deal with the realities of making it on your own. She went from supported at college, to almost immediately through officer training, to military, to married.

Custody?
Well, the children live with me full time in our home. At one point early on I told her if she wanted me move out I would be very angry. Also it is better for the children to have zero disruption in their home, routines and rooms. She agreed. I said and meant that I would not block or restrict her access to the children. They may go to her anytime they or she want. When asked by the mediator last time, she let it slip "the kids don't ever come over because the don't like it there." The notional parenting plan she drew up reflects this reality. I accepted her use of the home during the weekdays while I am at work to continue to homeschool D17 (almost self schools now) and S12. She also takes those two to sports and kids activities.

Draft Settlement
The draft settlement needs a L to look it over for my interests now. We used an independent impartial mediator who walked her though all the financial and procedural parts and then drew up a draft based on what we had agreed to. I read the law early, knew the financial parts, and understood most of the rest but figured she needed someone to walk her through it and I needed it all put in the correct legal terms. She paid for it. Children will live with me. She can option something like 100 nights a year if she chooses. I will not pay her child support. I will pay her ~20% of my income as alimony for 18 months (until D17 graduates and has her drivers license). This alimony is predicated on her claiming the need to spend 30 hours a week on kids home schooling and activities, preventing a normal job…. After the 18 months it is presumed W has the ability to fully support herself. Assets are split 50/50 with two exceptions. I will trade conventional investment accounts to buy her out of our home. We also have a rental house in another state with a property line issue which prevents easy sale. I will continue to manage this rental house in which we both have 50% interest.

g