I have been struggling yesterday and today. The totally illogical choices that she has made even before she announced the end of our relationship just do not make any sense at all.
She appears to have settled for something she told me fairly early on "why can we not just live together as friends in the house"; "keep the house for the children" etc. She has now moved away from trying to find a job and make any money for the time being. And (while struggling with the "mundanity" of family life and childcare), she does want the kids around.
I am still observing if my going more distant will have any effect. I am staying well clear of speaking about the relationship and not engaging much with her overall (maybe need to work a bit on not being too "distant", hard to get the balance right). I am planning going away with friends over my birthday weekend next month, and trying to fit in little things that I do for myself without the kids.
I am not a a place yet where I can cleanly come to terms with my relationship being over. Separation for us just does not work economically and logistically - shared childcare does not work for me given my job, and she has no income. Her parents would go nuts if they found out and not accept this at all (she has not told them anything, which makes for an odd dynamic with me being there a lot with the kids and not her). At some point, there will need to still be a rational conversation and she will need to make choices. However, when will this point be given the balance with pushing her away?
Secondly, I have been reading more about attraction and there appears to be contradicting guidance. There is the distancing / detachment, and then there is trying to "softly" reconnect by working on communication, doing fun things together etc. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
