Over the past 6 weeks, I have been in the "letting go" mode. I am cordial but brief; do not engage in extensive conversation; and validate her while not engaging her when she brings up our relationship or goes on a tangent about wanting to move out etc.
She does come and talk to me and seek my view or advice on various things. We have long conversations on a regular basis, but I have now started withdrawing from that as well reflecting on some of the other threads that I have been reading. However, I would like to ask you guys for your opinion on this. How far should I go in detaching and not engaging her? I am looking to not be constantly available for her as I am no longer the supporting pillar that I have been. Where is a good balance in still speaking, as it is a bit odd sitting at the dinner table and not having a conversation.
For the time being, she seems content to be on her own, apart from the occasional descent into misery when she reflects on her situation. Over the week-end, she had another rant about wanting to have a different life and to get away from the house. The next day she was talking about getting someone to built bookshelves for her to be able to take her books out of boxes where they are still stored.
Mostly we are at a cordial level, and she has even asked how I am a couple of times last week. I do still pick up most of the childcare (just got back from my inlaws where I have taken to staying with both kids one night a week to free her up). She has started to do a bit more around the house again but the balance is still with me. I have read conflicting opinions around this - there are some perspectives that it makes sense for one of the spouses to pick up more for a while, others are quite strict in terms of holding the one in crisis to account as well and getting them to do their share. What do you guys think is the right balance here?
DnJ, I am interested in your perspective from how "kind and cordial" in this context.
I am still trying to figure out how to reestablish my life. My initial struggle showed me that I had also not been happy with my life for a long time. However, my network of friends and family is in continental Europe and not the UK - and now I am stuck here for the time being. I set myself goals that I have partially turned into action so far. Lots of sport (which helps me being zen and look good), new clothes and styling (still need to be slightly more on it) - that has worked. However, striking up new friendships is not easy; and I am often too tired after work and the kids to have the energy to go out on my own or meet friends in London. I feel like I have fallen into constantly working and not being able to shut off. Which is somethign that I will need to work on.
