I don't plan to stay on the mortgage and that is what's being proposed.
Agreed! Do not remain on the mortgage if/when you are not living there anymore.
Divorcing couples have basically two options. 1) One partner assumes the mortgage and buys the other out. 2) If neither can afford to, or neither wants the house, then the couple sells, pays of the remainder of the mortgage and splits up the proceeds (or splits up the remaining debt if equity was insufficient to pay the entire mortgage).
If W cannot solo assume the mortgage with its current terms, she would have to refinance. Strictly speaking removing you from the mortgage would likely still be a refinance. Anyhow, a new mortgage, which may even be larger if she does not have enough buy out funds, and maybe new terms: maybe length of amortization is increase to make more affordable payments, maybe a guarantor or co-signer is required. That guarantor is not you. If W’s Dad wants to take on that financial responsibility, let her and him figure it out. (Though it sounds like Dad is not keen on writing that big check anymore. Oh well, not your circus not your monkeys.)
W snapping about your Mom; her looking for a fight regarding the children (which as you saw was not about their welfare); W turning on a dime when she realized you aren’t going along with her temp check/narrative; sadly pretty commonplace. Keep walking your path, and let her feel her choices. Perhaps she will awaken and make significant steps and changes, and perhaps not.
Have a great time at the fair.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
