The physical space bit is the hard part in our situation. I am trying to manage our funds so that she can go away on her own every 6-8 weeks which may give her some of that.
I’d suggest to ease up on trying to fix or solve her. She’s a woman of early 40s. If she wishes to go away every 6-8 weeks, she can arrange her logistics and funding.
Remember, depression is ever present. She may not want to go away. And then she will. Ping ponging back and forth is exceedingly common. Let her do whatever heavy lifting is required for her path. Besides, if things go awry with a trip, and you are involved, who do you think is going to get blamed?
Focus on you and the kids.
Originally Posted by Lb23
I wonder what may snap her out again of her crisis. From reading whatever I could find about this, it sounds like she will need to walk her path. Which may mean that she does not find back to a more sensible mindset where she is able to look at certain parts of her life with a more rational eye.
Snapping out of a crisis and healing, is very very rare. Usually such an abrupt about-face would signify they did not deal with their traumas. In which case, a return to a crisis would be very likely. And a crisis is much worse the next going around. Slow steady progress is the best path towards exiting a crisis successfully.
A crisis was slowly entered and it is slowly exited. It takes 18-24 months for one to enter their crisis. This is a silent descent. Mostly no one, not even themselves, will realize the slow progression towards the abyss. Looking back you now likely can see some signs and behavioural changes in W. Wee clues and such that at the time you just didn’t recognize. Perfectly normal, as most of us had nothing to do with a crisis before now.
The exit is just a slow. Lots of withdrawal, lots of dark depression and brooding, before their find acceptance of their past and the deeds they’ve done.
However, before the exit, is the heart of the crisis - running. This running is the longest of the stages. Most MLCers do run their course, eventually exiting. Although some do indeed get very lost and run for a long time.
Originally Posted by Lb23
She does seek to talk to me a lot, but remains emotionally quite distant.
Yes, her emotions are cranked to eleven. She simply does not have the bandwidth for you or anyone or anything, else.
Do not try to bridge that apparent emotional gap. That will be perceived as pressure, and MLCers run from pressure. Besides, that emotional buffer is a good thing. Most are very angry and blame the LBS. Remain kind and cordial.
Originally Posted by Lb23
In all of this, she keeps making longer term plans what to do to the house, where the kids will go to school etc. And then the next moment I get to hear something that makes me think if she had a sip from the coo coo tree. It is such an odd experience...
Welcome to the club. Definitely an odd experience. Like I said, confusion is one of the major hallmarks of a crisis.
Before my experiences, I had the default humorous Hollywood version of a midlife crisis - guy buys red Ferrari and gets new girlfriend. The truth of a crisis is not wildly known or understood or believed. A crisis is truly a horrible thing.
Within all this, is a golden opportunity for you. Embrace it. Become.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Definitely an odd experience. Like I said, confusion is one of the major hallmarks of a crisis.
