Thank you for your thoughts Joseph, while I did have hopes of saving the marriage, that squarely hinged on her putting in the effort and humbling herself, and of course without OM in the picture. I have worked on myself as much as I could, just waiting for some more outdoor activities to add to my routine, getting together with people as well. I still need cooperation from her in this process, be it agreeing on home sale price and mediation, she is of the type of person that needs to feel a loss to understand what she is doing and I have a strong feeling that will likely show up in the upcoming weeks. I had anxiety issues before I met her, but she exacerbated it with the emotional and mental abuse during the affairs, I'm generally a calm person and my anxiety only really is an issue when I'm being mistreated. As we have been together 22 years it's still not an easy process and is very difficult to let go but at the same time I have not forced the issue because although I still have slim hopes, I'm not seeing anything from her that would tell me to stop the process. I have a pretty clear road map of where my life is headed after divorce, be it financially, career wise and where I chose to restart my life location wise. My focus is not lost.
Whatever hopes I have/had of saving the marriage are dwindling by the day. If i don't move forward with what I have to do I will be wasting my own time and I've pretty much exhausted all other options already
Sorry if my grammar [censored] but the insecurity was an issue she was having, I know my worth and what I have to offer I'm surrounded by cheaters so I know loyalty/integrity is something I will take pride in. She was insecure in her looks and needing to get endless attention to make herself feel good. My anxiety with her tended to be a bit driven by this insecurity and low self esteem as no matter what I did it was never adequate and I'd be told regularly during affairs that if she didn't get enough attention from me she'd get it elsewhere even though I gave all I could.
And in terms of her reactions to me, be it the jealousy or saying she's noticed I've moved on, a lot of that is due to the changes I've made for myself. I'm super healthy now and am living life for myself. It just feels like she's gonna wait for everything to be finalized to actually put in the work herself which she hasn't at all
