So I had a little of what you called a relapse. Went for a few days without contact.
Last night decided to find out the dude who she's with his full name. Found him on Instagram and saw a post with her arm wearing a piece of jewelry he gave her, it kind of triggered me because the last time she came to the house she was wearing it and I had asked her if it was the wristband he gave her. She said no but it clearly was as it was in the picture. I know I shouldn't have done this but again we do things emotionally counterintuitive to what logic dictates but our hearts lead us down the wrong path. I firstly did it to find out his full name in case I needed to get what we call a peace bond, which is similar to a restraining order. I warned her multiple times that he is not to step foot on this property until it is sold and closed upon, I have ample harassment from him directly to me from before as a measure to get such an order and have lawyer on retainer for these types of things. To me my home is the last sanctuary that I have remaining, and a lot of sweat and tears went into it, I want to leave it unsullied and free of any more potential hurt. Going through his instagram and seeing posts from him showing he was hurt during those 2 months she had returned to me really hit me where the heart was, everything started flooding back in. It made me remember her telling me during those 2 months that she doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore but looking back it seemed as though only the man she had known for 6 months was what she was referring to. It's really hard looking back and wondering how you could spend more than 2 decades with someone and it all was usurped by someone completely new and to be thrown aside as not much more than an afterthought.
None of this has dampened my push for the legal separation, followed by divorce and home sale.

All of this said despite me going out more and working on myself, I feel like I am just masking the internal pain and the mental breakdowns are still there, seeing everything I had worked so hard for all coming to an end all at the same time is by far becoming the hardest and most difficult aspect of all of this for me. My love for her has not waned but I have also tried not enabling her behaviour. I have seen my doctor to book a psychiatrist to hopefully get some medication for the anxiety and a general health check via blood test and a heart test.

Thank you everyone in this group for all the words of wisdom, I have learned a great deal from the short time I have been here. Next week my focus is going to be on hitting the gym to regain focus and improve my overall health both physical and mental. I have made a go of my crypto side business and am now earning the equivalent of market rent for an apartment so that's giving me something to work on. I wish the best of luck to many of the new members here, the road we travel is not an easy one but God gives us obstacles to test our faith and make us stronger.