Catman, let me be the first to say that I'm sorry you had to go through this. As was once said to me: sorry you're here but you're in the right place.
First of all, read the posts on boundaries and detachment. Like you, at one time I didn't know enough to recognize when my W was "crossing the line" in her treatment of me, and when a boundary was appropriate. We are taught as kids to stand up to bullies and bullying behavior, but we're never really taught that sometimes that behavior will come from people we love and who are supposed to love us. Boundaries are actions, not words, delivered in a firm and loving way.
Second of all, you'll see a lot on here about "getting a life", or GAL. Do it. Your comment about including your W in everything including your hobbies indicates this will be a big shift (or has been, since your post covers a lot of time). Do not sit and stew in your sitch. Reconnect with old friends, make new ones, pick up new hobbies, etc. This will help with detachment too. I like to spearfish and I'll tell you, when I'm 20 feet down in a kelp bed looking for white sea bass I am not thinking about my W or the decisions she made that contributed to the end of our MR.
Lastly, congrats on your sobriety. Keep it up.
Originally Posted by Catman19
A big part of me still loves her, and i think ive come to accept it, another part of me instinctually wants to protect her from her bad choices, but i think i have to let her make them and i need to move on with my life.
One final note: you did not break her, and you cannot fix her. Remember this.
