So this was late July and i had had enough, i decided to book a trip back to my birth country, the place where my parents now live as retirees. I needed to get as far away from this as possible. during the 2 weeks between me kicking her out and the trip she asked me to come by, her excuse was that her parents liked having me over. I went for 4 days and slept over each day. During this time i was still stupidly looking for a glimmer of hope and/or closure. the 2nd day she tells me shes sorry, and shes afraid of me finding someone back home. she kisses me passionately before we go back to parents home after a walk. This felt more real than anything in the last 7 months. so as im downstairs with her parents, she goes and takes a shower, i end up going upstairs after and sleeping with her. I wake up after her, she goes downstairs to do laundry, i decide to check her phone. so on the phone shes sent messages to AP telling him to see if they can make things work and the same night before sending flirty messages. I confront her and tell her, do you really want to lose me forever, I tell her this trip im taking as a return flight but the next one will be one way. So a day later we had planned a get together from when she had come back home, with mutual friends, a wine festival. We decide to go, have a good time, then go for pastries afterwards as 2 couples even though we really werent. At the table her phone rings, phone is facing up, i can see its the AP, she accidentally answers then hangs up, then turns phone upside down on table after 5-6 phone calls. Turns out the dude saw her friends instagram posts from the festival.
We go back to her parents home and i sleep over again, while im lying next to her, her smart watch is going off nonstop with messages from him, and i can see. wake up in the morning, shes going to drop me off at home and there are 2 dried roses on the cars windshield wiper. I Knew right away what this was. I got mad all the way home.
3 days later im getting on the plane and all i get from her are messages saying, if you step on that plane its over. I reapeatedly said, you are screwing someone else, spare me
So i spend 3 weeks back home, i felt the stress, anxiety and pain go away, i felt at home where my roots were and i was surrounded by tons of family, cousins, etc. I spend the time sightseeing, going to beautiful churches, hiking, etc. during this time i tell my real estate agent here to prepare a listing agreement, and asking her to sign it. She signs it while im away, i come back and i pressure her to come and clean up her things, our house was a mess and it needed to be decluttered.
Every weekend i beg her to come and clean up, i didnt want to touch her things, because i knew shed complain. Every weekend, she always had plans, i had become impatient. During this time i began drinking, heavily, like really heavily. I was just so lost and frustrated that nothing was happening and it felt like everything was ending. I still somehow had love for this woman and it was killing me inside. So september my drinking got to the point where i had to go to hospital and get help, i passed out before nurse saw me in emergency, woke up with IV in my arm and valium in iv drip. The alcohol wasnt doing this to me, it was the severe withdrawal, So 1 day in emergency, 1 day in psych ward, surrounded by people trying to kill nurses and breaking things. I transitioned to a withdrawal/rehab centre for a week, to get supervised medication adn get off the alcohol with the help of medication and some structured recovery.
So once i entered hospital it has now been 6 months without a drink and i do not crave it, i associate it with negative thoughts and a deep dark place i was in.
