Hello, I just spent a good 2-3 days reading some of the threads here and play by plays of peoples situation, i was inspired to post here bcause i have found this forum to be the most accurate and most enlightening in terms of dealing with my situation. Im going to try and keep this as short as i can
So I 41M and 41F have been together for 22 years, married for 12 pre Dday My situation I would say is a combination of WW and MLC
So towards end of covid a lot of stress between the two of us built up, wife is a nurse so she had to work ICU and I work as a driver, we both worked tons of overtime throughout covid so very stressful. Compound this with spending 8 years trying to have a family with IVF and having little to no success. 2020 we decided to use egg donor for our last shot (her suggestion), come late 2021 and early 2022 we had 3 failures from our attempts. 2022 was the year we both turned 40 so a very important year, both her and I were feeling the impact of this milestone birthday mentally and she was vocal about this. during this year or 2 because of the stress of covid, ivf and mid life, i began to drink more than was healthy, never to the point of making me sick, but it became a way to cope with the stress.
IVF had taken a toll on us mentally and physically, so in 2022 I decided to pause it and plan 2 nice trips to exotic locations, one for each of our 40th birthdays, i also made a concerted effort to plan events, get togethers and excursions throughout the year to make up for lost time with lockdowns and focus on having a family.
During this year there were a lot of fights between us, many of them started from seemingly innocuous things of little importance. it got to the point where she would be verbally and physically abusive to me. I even had to call her parents at one time to come and talk to her after i left the house, after repeatedly being punched in the face. I became confused this year as i didnt feel any of this was normal. Throughout the year she would casually refer to a male colleague at work who would bust her chops about things like sports or whatever, at the time this seemed harmless to me. Things became weird early 2022 when the wife became hypersexual with me and started suggesting threesomes, this wracked my brain because i had a moral fight with myself trying to understand why she would ask this and i didnt feel comfortable with it due to my values.
Throughout this year i started having difficulty with sexual performance, a lot of it was affected by the endless cycle of fights then makeup, it became unbearable, she began having a higher sex drive. Also throughout this year i had 2 different fractures from back and tailbone so i had to deal with a lot of pain as well for at least 3 months for each issue. we had intimacy at least 1-2 times a week, so not really a dead bedroom. During this year the W would repeatedly tell me that if i didnt give her enough attention, she would get it elsewhere, she would also repeat if you ever decide to cheat on me, leave me first. I took my vows seriously and i would never even entertain this idea, I was a very loyal and loving and respectful husband, we did everything together as a couple, i would only go out with her and rarely see friends. Even my hobbies I included her in them.
Fast forward to post 2nd trip in late october, we come back and she starts become distant with me. It became overly obvious something was going on. She started posting more solo pictures of herself online and wanting to go out with female friends, who were all single, she had one friend who was a super bad abple (proud cheater, nymphomaniac, dating a married man). My wife also confided in this woman throughout the whole year.
I started digging and going into call logs as i paid for both phones, started seeing late night phone calls to a repeated number, i called this number, it was another guy. I confronted her, she said she wasnt talking to anyone else. I didnt believe her, so i recorded conversations in her vehicle, within a week and a half i found out she had a PA from this guy from work and was having an EA with a new guy who she was speaking to at night. I kicked her out of the house and sent her to parents home. This was the hardest time of my life, the pain i went through was unlike anything i have ever felt before.
