Starting a new thread. The short story of the last 3-4 weeks is I'm finally letting my guard down as far as feeling the loss. I didn't think I was, but I was absolutely keeping myself so busy that I didn't have time to feel any pain. This 2nd separation / D has been much more confusing than the 1st. 10 years ago, it was just pure pain for several months. While it was more painful, it was a fairly simple process. It was inescapable pain for that amount of time, and then a lightning bolt hit me and I never felt an ounce of pain from it again.
This time, I knew I was going to be okay from the very beginning, just because I'd been through it before. But I think that led to me prematurely thinking I was already okay when I wasn't. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm back on track to doing it. Not drinking since Jan 1 has helped (outside out of a pre-planned bachelor party...and while I'll spare the details, that was a mess for me. I was good for most of the day, but towards the end, I went a little crazy, I think because it was my "one day to drink" and really acted dumb. Had to send out apology texts to the guys the next day. But lesson learned, I really don't need alcohol in my life at least until I've processed this).
Gym is still going great. I'm currently on a cut and have lost 12 pounds. It's mostly water weight, but I still feel great, and I actually know what I'm doing right now. I'm eating in a calorie deficit but am loving the diet. I've learned a ton from youtube in the last couple months. I'm even getting to finish the day with a big meal and then a medium-sized bowl of my favorite sugary cereal.
Kids are great. D11 is in band and is improving at flute every day. S2 is a ball of fun. WAW and I took him to a farm machinery show this past weekend. He is obsessed with all types of vehicles, farm equipment, trains, etc. Seeing giant machines with wheels taller than his dad send him into orbit. He ran around the show for 2 hours and passed out as soon as he was back in his carseat.
I'll post an update about W when I get a chance. Have to get back to work right now.
