Yes, it’s normal to miss the way things, and who we once, were. The new routine, the new house, all takes time to become one’s now norm. Change, letting go, grieving of one’s old life and acceptance of one’s new, takes time.
Keep moving forward. Strengthen that which serves. Craft that which you aspire to. Find you, forge you, in this new landscape.
And do be gentle on yourself. There is grief with all this change. Bargaining. Depression. No magical way through it. No fast track. One can de-track themselves, only deferring until again later on. Lessons unlearnt, do and will repeat. Best to do it right/well the first time.
What did your custody schedule end up being?
Does son have a set of his stuff at your house? Toothbrush, comb, clothes, shoes, coats, game system, etc; so there is less “moving”; less living out of a suitcase. Some items, the game system for example, might take a while to have one in each of his houses.
His houses.
An interesting comment from some kids of a divorced coworker. Years ago, the four of us - him, I, and his kids - were out for a pizza supper. The two sisters, 5 and 8 years old, said they had two bedrooms. I commented, oh you each have your own room, thinking how big a house they live in. They replied, no we both have two bedrooms: one at Dad’s home, and one at Mom’s home. We have two homes.
I was profoundly struck at how well adapted and accepting that view is. How much more easily children “can” accept. They simply have two homes.
Anyhow, hope you have a great day T.
D
Thanks. Yeah, he pretty much has his same set up at both places (clothes, PS5's, toys, etc). He pretty much just brings his book bag and sports equipment back and forth.
The hardest part he's having, and it's something I didn't really anticipate, is HE feels guilty when he's not with one of us. Like, he's been sick and on antibiotics the last week. He's always been terrible at taking that medicine, so he wanted to spent the nights at her place. But she texted one night and asked me to call him and tell him it's ok if he stays there, cause he feels bad about not coming to my place. that's happened 2 or 3 times in the last 2 months.
Our custody is 50/50, but we haven't really stuck to the schedule yet. Between her living at her parents for a month, then getting moved into her place, he's been with me a lot. and since she basically refuses to take him to his practices, I have him more even though she's moved in now.
I guess I'm a pretty 'routine-oriented' person, and it's just been hard to get any type of consistency with anything. I'm sure it'll come in time though
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
