I took about a week off from posting or reading on the board. I've been here daily since November and I wanted to take time to myself to make sure I had clarity on what I want, and what I see as the best path forward. I also stopped reading and re-reading the giant stack of self help and relationship books I've accumulated over the last 2+ years and instead read some historical non-fiction and news - what the "old me" loved to do (spoiler: the new me likes it too). But I did read everyone's input.
Regarding my W's drinking, she has alcoholism in her family but right now I would consider her as having a binge drinking disorder. She is not a daily drinker and can take multiple days off in a row. We have tried over the years to intervene but as anyone who has encountered this knows, the addict must be the one to want the change.
So here's the punch line. I have always considered infidelity as a deal-breaking boundary. When confronted with the fact that it actually happened in my own marriage it was a total shock and I went through all the stages of dealing with it. I am likely still going through that process but my emotions have stabilized considerably since September and I've had much time to reflect on what happened then and what has happened since.
I've decided to move forward with the divorce. I met with L yesterday to prepare paperwork and intend to speak to W late next week.
I plan to post here throughout the process. I am no longer trying to bust a divorce but will need guidance and the board has been a great resource for that.
Over the weekend my brother asked if there was anything W could do that would change my mind. I had called him because she was out drinking again (I'll spare you all the details of another story that sounds just like the other ones). I told him there wasn't anything she could say or do because the trust was gone, and I was tired of being taken for granted. In that moment I felt the clarity I had been searching for. I wasn't angry or hurt, I was relieved.
