She also indicated that he doesn't like that I turn my phone tracking off when I go out. I haven't shared my location with her in months; I do share with the boys as does she. I never ask them where she goes (I know anyway lol); to be frank I don't trust her not to snoop and it really is not her business where I go. Not sure how to solve this. (No, I don't have an AP).
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I don't share my location with W and haven't for months. I do share it with my sons, but by doing that W can look at their phones and still track me.
So when I go out for a few hours, I just turn it off entirely to have complete privacy. But when I do that, my younger son complains to W that he can't see where I am and he doesn't like that. (They get notifications on their phones telling them that I've turned it off).
“Not sure how to solve this.”
Sometimes situations do not have a solution, more a resolution. You may not be able to solve this, you can resolve it though.
First off, if you noticed I called this a situation, not a problem. Problems require solutions. We are pretty much problem solvers and fixers around here, so defining this as a situation will lower that “need” to fix it.
How to resolve? Short answer leave the tracking on.
You share your location with the kids. I do as well.
It sounds like you are ok with son knowing your whereabouts. I’m surmising that if W was not involved in any way, your want/need for complete privacy would be a non-issue. So, make it so. Make it a non-issue.
You cannot control W. If she looks at son’s phone and sees your location, you cannot control that. And in fact, you are doing extra stuff/steps that actually dissuade from what you’d likely do - letting kids know your whereabouts, letting them feel safe and secure. (I once forgot to let my daughter know I was going to be home late from work, and she was panicked. She already lost one parent, and she doesn’t need to feel the loss of another. I never forgot again after that conversation.)
So what if W sees where you are. Who cares? She could hire a PI, or ask questions, or follow you around, or whatever if she really wanted to. Such an obsession would be consuming. (My XW actually stalked our daughter. Followed her after school, and after work. Dear old Mom even freaked out one day and confronted daughter in school, in front of her classmates, about her after school whereabouts. XW was (is?) pretty far in the weeds. Really lost the plot.)
Make this a non-issue. Do not let W live in your head rent-free.
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I admit it was difficult to be lectured to about my faults while she knows that she is in her second affair in a year. I am not sure why she feels she is morally superior, but it's clear she does. "I want you to be happy. This advice will help you in your next relationship. Most women won't put up with this," she said.
Oh my! Pure script. That comes right out of her narrative.
My XW also lectured me. And offered to help me become a better man, that maybe I might find a relationship. I’d never find true love like she had though. But, she could help me get a bit better.
LOL! Advice from her!
Yep, they feel soooo great about themselves. And, they hardly ever write themselves as the villain in their own life’s story. Blame and projection are the tools of trade in that.
What about us? The LBS?
We grow and heal. We look inward. We find acceptance and forgiveness. We become.
Oddly, and counterintuitively, XW did help me become a better man.
It’s quite a journey.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
