Act III (3)

[Sunflyer]

Had something of a rough night last night.

My sister's birthday is tomorrow (Monday), and so I planned to take her out to dinner today (Sunday) and having S14 come with us. I texted S14 the day before while he was out to inform him of the dinner plans.

I went out yesterday and when I returned, W said, "As soon as you get settled, I need to talk to you." She began by explaining that S14 had spoken to her about the birthday dinner and was not pleased that W wouldn't be there. (W basically excluded herself because my sister hasn't been on speaking terms with her since the summer). W said that S14 was harboring resentment toward me believing I was "excluding" W.

I told her that I would speak to him and convey that if something came up that concerned my family, I would prefer that he speak to me directly about it and that I'd rather not hear it second hand.

She also indicated that he doesn't like that I turn my phone tracking off when I go out. I haven't shared my location with her in months; I do share with the boys as does she. I never ask them where she goes (I know anyway lol); to be frank I don't trust her not to snoop and it really is not her business where I go. Not sure how to solve this. (No, I don't have an AP).

She then moved the conversation into some of my negative behavior and how it had made her feel devalued, ignored, and like she was not enough for me. Her comments did have validity, and I mostly listened and said little. I think it irritated her that I wouldn't respond to her probing. I did attempt one validating statement: "I'm very sorry that you feel that way." Her response was, "Well, it's nice of you to tell me that NOW," as in angry and not grateful to hear it.

I admit it was difficult to be lectured to about my faults while she knows that she is in her second affair in a year. I am not sure why she feels she is morally superior, but it's clear she does. "I want you to be happy. This advice will help you in your next relationship. Most women won't put up with this," she said.

I was sorely tempted to call her out but did not.

She piled on the guilt very heavily. "You made me feel really bad about myself." Of course, there are those here who would say I couldn't make her feel anything. The superpower nobody has. Indeed, there were times I tried to make her feel better about herself, but it didn't work. So I could make her feel bad but not the opposite?

For the first time in a long while, I had difficulty sleeping last night.

I spoke to S14 today in an attempt to clear the air and told him that I would like to hear issues related to me or my family first hand, not from W although I had no problem with him talking to her. He seemed to be okay with this, went out to dinner with us, and then I took him shopping afterward.