Hey M. Have you established that your wife is "officially" an alcoholic? Alcoholism runs in my family so I'm altogether too familiar with it. As I read some posts and responses, I just want to make sure that you are dealing with true alcoholism vs. binge drinking, "my turn to live my best life" MLC behavior, and/or something that, while bad, isn't quite full-blown alcoholism yet. I apologize if you've established that in a prior post that I'm not recalling (and I'm a bit pressed for time or I'd re-read your posts). I ask because MWD talks about feeling differently about D when substance abuse is involved along with violence, etc.
I'm with Boat: ultimately you decide when it is time to D AND nothing your W can say will stop you. Some of the... pushback or perhaps hesitance..you may perceive from "us" likely stems from observing your stated feelings seemingly move back and forth over this relatively short period (which is natural) and now move to D. And, for example, if your W is a true alcoholic, then as DnJ suggests it would seem that attempting a professional intervention would be another option since you state you don't want a D. This is the "in sickness and in health, good times and bad" part.
Your feelings make total sense to me. Time is ticking away. You want to be happy. You worry about the impact on your kids. And, if your IC is on board with your decision, it may be the right one. I'm going to steal from DnJ's playbook a bit here and add that "feelings are fleeting" so be sure that your decision to D is NOT being driven by those feelings rather than a decision made when you're feelings are more quiet and the rationale brain is in control.
It is tricky because, as even MWD says, many ICs aren't properly trained and can focus too much on traditional CBT or other methods to just treat the person in front of them in ways that a licensed marital and family counselor IC may not.
I've taken ~4-5 years to work on the things I needed to be a better person and partner. Whether my W is unable or unwilling to forgive, put in similar work, MLCing, or whatever....I feel 100% OK with whichever path my life will take. I'm a plodder.
If YOU feel with 100% certainty that in ~5 months you've done all you can as best you can with what is w/i your control, including addressing the un-prince-like things Boat suggests we've all contributed to what got us here, then perhaps it is truly time to D.
