1 month in, still lost - MLC, OW, WAS

[Sunflyer]

I agree. They are both deeply insecure and constantly complimenting one another to make the other feel good. Not sure how long that can last for though. I do wonder about the 'secure' part as he probably comes across like that at work but at home he was a manchild and I did all his life organisation. He can perhaps promise her emotional security but not financial or housing and doesn't want another child. Even emotional security is flimsy as he is supposedly in a relationship with her but hasn't made a clean break from me yet and that's aside form the trust issues given how they got together.

Emotional security is more of what I was thinking of, but I agree that she's probably not thinking about what that really means. People who get into affairs are typically using them like bandages to cover up internal issues of their own. I certainly feel your H is doing this. I don't understand how anyone can move into another relationship while they're still living with a spouse or not working to resolve existing roadblocks of their own. This is not inviting a positive outcome.

Drawing from my own experience, I feel that my wife is not capable of feeling satisfaction in her life without a man. It's like an addiction. When her previous affair (with someone known to the whole family, including me) broke up, she seemed to feel down for several months, and then she met her current AP, and she jumped right back into the game.

I was alone for much of my life before I met my wife; I only had one brief relationship before I met her. So I was used to finding satisfaction by myself. I had ways to occupy my time. Now I'm essentially alone again. Although we are not yet separated, she hasn't been a wife to me for a year now, although she will make meals for me if it doesn't conflict with whatever else she is doing.

I'm using this time to work on healing myself, not just in terms of accepting that we are divorcing but also working on improving the faults and mistakes that I made in my marriage. I don't want these issues to interfere with any future relationship I might have. And I am making progress with the aid of DB and the people on here. She's got faults of her own but instead of taking a break and using this period of her life to address them, she's just going right into more relationships.

Like I said, bandages. Not wanting to admit they need to work on themselves. And it sure sounds like your H has work to do.