Thanks P, your post is well timed. Thinking through how I plan to approach this I made a note in my phone last night. Rather than write a script, I put down the following:
*** Reasons the D works for me:
1. W betrayed my trust and recruited others to lie, I won't be with someone who does that. 2. W is a 37 year old mother of 3 who stays out at bars until 2am, not who I will be with. 3. W prioritizes drinking over kids and has become neglectful as a mother, not fair to kids.
When having the conversation:
1. Be congruent at all times 2. Do not let your emotions control you, especially when she tries to draw them out. 3. Key replies: "It's not that simple" and "I'll think about that and let you know." ***
These are high level ideas I plan to keep in my head at all times. Obviously this is a complicated sitch and the part I played in the MR breakdown is not covered here but I've worked hard to understand and own that. If she brings any of that up I will validate those feelings but keep the conversation focused on what must be done now.
Originally Posted by MrP
And then exit the conversation...which means you'll likely want to plan the conversation for a point in time that best enables a clean exit and/or reduces the opportunity for W to follow you while trying to continue to ignite conflict.
It's a work in progress at the moment, but my tentative plan is to have the kids spend the night at my parents on the day we have the convo. Afterwards I will leave the house for the night to create space.
Originally Posted by MrP
I know you've got an IC so I'd recommend working with them to confirm the feedback you're receiving from us armchair quarterbacks is right for your sitch
I had an appt y'day and discussed w him in detail. I would say the theme of that conversation was "What are you waiting for?" and we hashed that out. I aired my fears and doubts and dug into why I have them, and a difficult conversation produced a simple answer. Do nothing and remain miserable or take action and take your power back.
In other news, I turn 40 today and plan to eat a steak the size of my face for dinner. Onward!
