Hey Misty. I guess I'd reframe this statement (because you have control over how you respond/react) to read "I didn't stop him from giving me a kiss and cuddling with me".
You said in a previous post that you're not ready yet to enforce some boundaries. I suspect you'll hear many people here agree with me when I say that, until you do, things will likely continue "as is" if not get worse. Your H is getting to have a little taste of whatever lifestyle he likes and keeping everything just within reach until HE feels like deciding one thing or another.
This is what I keep being told and I'm trying so very hard to listen but the DR book seems a little tricky to follow in this regard. Last Resort Technique says to stay loving and the Infidelity section covering 'when he won't end the affair' says to trust my instincts and be better than the OW at what he feels is missing. He's not got physical contact with the OW as she's away till May and they've not yet had sex (which was always the most satisfactory part of our marriage and something H always said was perfect.)
Originally Posted by MrP
You're also criticizing him ("It's hard to see what a younger, slim, pretty woman would see in him") so I wonder what you see in him that leads you to value him enough to continue enabling his behavior?
I don't mean to criticise him, I find him very attractive and he has many excellent qualities. Like many 45 year old men though, he is overweight, balding and has some minor health issues.
However if I was in the OW's position, he's not the best prospect for her. He can't offer financial security (high debts) housing security (can't get mortgage), doesn't want another baby, doesn't have a car or driving licence. Even love and emotional security will be flimsy given they've got together through deceit and cheating. He also has two very rebellious teenage boys who will be hard to handle for a highly strung woman unused to dealing with children.
She's attractive and could get plenty of men her own age who could offer her a more secure and easier life. So either it's true love between them or she's a nightmare partner who struggles to hold down a relationship and latched onto my insecure and needy H to flatter and chase.
