I understand. I have also been this conflict avoidant type. In my case, I wouldn't try to appease her; I'd just back down. BIG MISTAKE. If something wasn't working for me, I'd try to just keep the peace. What I did, of course, was open the door for her to just keep doing what she was doing regardless of impact.
H and I are both conflict avoiders for the most part which means our rows can be epic at times. We both back down to keep the peace. He says I'm very manipulative and used to get my own way as I was an only child - there's some truth in this. However he was also not disciplined after losing his dad at 15 and was a wayward teen/young adult.
Originally Posted by MistyDD
She is needy, insecure, childlike, immature and needs constant reassurance. He's not good with empathy and his love language is acts of service, often around food and alcoholic drinks, neither of which interest her much. She's 35, still lives at home and hasn't had a relationship longer than a couple of years. Also claims she doesn't want children as she's 'too old'. They bonded over discussions about their wayward childhoods, childhood photos, music he listened to before he met me, food he loved growing up etc.
There are so many red flags.
It's hard to see what a younger, slim, pretty woman would see in him.
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I think I have an idea what she sees in him, and it's right in your first sentence above. She's looking for someone to make her feel "secure," at least until the next prospect comes along, and judging by her track record, there will be another one, likely a lot of other ones.
He has got a powerful cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters percolating from his brain, so he is blind to this. She makes him feel good (and maybe younger), and he's walking right into her spiderweb.
My W is the same about her current younger partner, cooing over the phone about how "hot" he is.
I agree. They are both deeply insecure and constantly complimenting one another to make the other feel good. Not sure how long that can last for though. I do wonder about the 'secure' part as he probably comes across like that at work but at home he was a manchild and I did all his life organisation. He can perhaps promise her emotional security but not financial or housing and doesn't want another child. Even emotional security is flimsy as he is supposedly in a relationship with her but hasn't made a clean break from me yet and that's aside form the trust issues given how they got together.
She definitely makes him feel good and I think bonding over childhood/teen stuff makes him feel younger too and fits with the MLC.
He used to say how attractive she was. Day to day, not so much so but she transforms when she wears make-up and apparently turned lots of heads at the work Christmas party as people didn't recognise her. Just days ago though he sent me a list of my good qualities and included that when I dress up on a night out, guys are definitely eyeing me up too.
