1 month in, still lost - MLC, OW, WAS

[Sunflyer]

I'm realising now just how often he did that throughout our marriage. I hate conflict and people being upset with me so I'd bend over backwards to appease him. I even talked to him about it, told him he made me nervous when he was angry and mentioned how at times like this, he'd get more sexual favours. He'd never realised and looked ashamed and apologised to me.

I understand. I have also been this conflict avoidant type. In my case, I wouldn't try to appease her; I'd just back down. BIG MISTAKE. If something wasn't working for me, I'd try to just keep the peace. What I did, of course, was open the door for her to just keep doing what she was doing regardless of impact.

She is needy, insecure, childlike, immature and needs constant reassurance. He's not good with empathy and his love language is acts of service, often around food and alcoholic drinks, neither of which interest her much. She's 35, still lives at home and hasn't had a relationship longer than a couple of years. Also claims she doesn't want children as she's 'too old'. They bonded over discussions about their wayward childhoods, childhood photos, music he listened to before he met me, food he loved growing up etc.

There are so many red flags.

It's hard to see what a younger, slim, pretty woman would see in him.

I think I have an idea what she sees in him, and it's right in your first sentence above. She's looking for someone to make her feel "secure," at least until the next prospect comes along, and judging by her track record, there will be another one, likely a lot of other ones.

He has got a powerful cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters percolating from his brain, so he is blind to this. She makes him feel good (and maybe younger), and he's walking right into her spiderweb.

My W is the same about her current younger partner, cooing over the phone about how "hot" he is.