I'll take a look at those books too, very helpful. I've read some of Gottman's 4 horses of the apocalypse theory online.
In fairness to H, it wasn't a PA. It was a work colleague friendship that got too close and became an EA and they fell in love. Then she went away for 5 months with no contact and then he snuck around behind my back to see her. They were in a relationship within a day of us breaking up but have only kissed so far.
Time apart would definitely be helpful. We'd had the odd night apart in hotels prior to breaking up, when things got too much for me and he was missing me then.
Even last night, I went to sleep and he couldn't help himself from coming into my bedroom to wish me goodnight and give me a kiss and cuddle.
Weirdly he's also doing things I'd been asking him to do for years. DIY, decluttering. Some grooming/health issues that will ultimately benefit the OW but still strange to start when he won't see her for 4 months.
The strangest one was that he cleaned the bathroom properly for the first time ever. He's always cleaned the bathroom but wouldn't move storage shelves to mop underneath so I always ended up doing it. It was a minor bugbear but not something we really rowed over, just a gentle nag. This week he did it my way and made a point of telling me so, but not in a nasty manner, more of a recognition that he'd always avoided that step.
I do keep in mind the saying 'he needs to feel the weight of his life' as the consequences of his choices have not fully hit him yet.
Last edited by MistyDD; 01/30/2412:46 PM. Reason: Add final thought
