Hi Card. You're on the right path realizing how much that structured time for mourning was helpful for you. I can remember not wanting to be alone (in the house, my car, a restaurant, etc.) and felt awful. My IC emphasized the need to "self-soothe" (not rely on others for comfort) and I had to work hard to get better about being solo. It does take conscious, sustained effort. Having made it safely back to enjoying time alone, I can't recommend enough that you put this work in.
Pick things you know you enjoy. For me, it is movies, music, books, and red wine. Or, shooting around a basketball court alone. Whatever you know you enjoy almost every time you do it. Start there and, eventually for me at least, I got comfortable dealing with some amount of anxiety, sadness, and depression on my own. You're not completely giving up your family and friends. For me, I wanted to give them a break from listening to me or propping me up. I hope you can find ways to occupy your mind when all alone.
