1 month in, still lost - MLC, OW, WAS

[Sunflyer]

Hello Misty!

However, alter your mindset.

You likely wouldn’t, don’t, want H as the currently confused guy he is. You don’t want to be plan B. You are the prize!

So, if/when he gets his mess/life cleaned up, you’d be willing to explore the possibility of you and him. To see if there is any spark, any chemistry. To see if you actually like him. To see if he likes you; the new and improved you. Remember, you ain’t going to be just sitting around, you’ll become MistyDD2.0.

This is so, so important and for me is the core of DB. Keep repeating what DnJ said to yourself: "You don’t want to be plan B. You are the prize!"

He's going to make you feel guilty, like all of what he did was your fault. You know better. You may have made mistakes, developed bad habits, whatever. But there's another thing people say around here: You don't have the superpower of controlling how someone else feels. You can't make him be unhappy or have an affair. He could have made better choices that could have taken him out of the thicket of unhappiness. Better ways to deal with the marital problems. But he chose what he chose; you didn't hold a gun to his head.

I am eight months out from BD. My wife is in her second affair in a year. I can promise you that if you follow the advice you are receiving, your outlook will change drastically no matter what happens with your H. I am having thoughts about myself and my future that I wouldn't have dreamed I'd be having eight months ago, when I felt crushed. When I think back even further, to the man who married my wife all those years ago, it's almost like I don't recognize him.

I sat him down this morning and said we need to start sleeping apart again as it's messing with my head, giving me false hope and it isn't fair when I'm not his no.1 anymore.

That's the way to do it! You deserve a man who wants only you in his life. Right now, he is not that man. Not treating him like he is will be better for your mental health and make him realize you aren't about to plead for this attention that he suddenly claims is so important.