Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

[Card29]

I did a lot of thinking last night. I think this little "spark" with a girl has helped me realize how I'm not healed from W, not even close. For a while I thought maybe I really had processed it, while in the back of my mind I was wondering if I had just buried the feelings. It's obvious now it was the latter. My days are busy from start to finish, and I've lost the plot with giving myself even that 15 minutes a day to sit and feel the pain if it's there (or walk in the woods and feel the pain, you know what I mean).

The weeks I have the kids, I'm busy from start to finish with work and kids. By the time the D11 is in bed, I don't even want to sit and watch TV, I just want to go to bed, too.

The weeks I don't have the kids, I don't want to be alone in the house, so I'm hanging out with a friend or friends almost every night. I'm also going to the gym 7 days a week. I need to find that minimum 15 minutes a day to just feel whatever is there. On the busy days, I might just need to turn the radio off in the car, or go for a walk at night once the kids are in bed.