Thanks Kind. The DB book has just arrived today so I'll get stuck in about it later.
He thinks marriages can't survive affairs because he doesn't know anyone who has and a few that didn't (likely those that has were kept quiet). I did show him that stats to support it though.
I'm unsure how to handle the whole thing about whether I would take him back or not. He was saying to me that he felt I wasn't devastated by losing him but that I only wanted him so that I wasn't alone. This came about because:
In the aftermath of BD, I listed off a load of physical features I disliked (in all honesty I was clutching at straws but wanted to hurt him). I then told him all his character flaws. He began to think I was only putting up with him and didn't really love him. That I was only devastated at the thought of being alone, not because I'd lost him.
I countered that by writing a list of all the things I love about him and sending it by text. I then wrote it in a letter for him to keep. He didn't read it till last night but really appreciates it. He's written me a similar list by text today.
I'm struggling with handling the affection too. My mum left a week ago after having been here for a month and he's slept in my bed ever since. He hugs me so tightly like he doesn't want to let me go and I often see him staring at me from the other side of the room. He demands hugs and even when I don't reciprocate, he grabs my face and makes me look at him whilst telling me he still loves and cares for me.
I sat him down this morning and said we need to start sleeping apart again as it's messing with my head, giving me false hope and it isn't fair when I'm not his no.1 anymore. He still continued to cuddle me though. He admitted it's unfair and says he does it because he still likes me, thinks I'm sexy and it feels nice to cuddle up with me. He gets tears in his eyes when talk about it.
I guess he's got doubts, isn't quite ready to let me go and I'm not quite strong enough to fully enforce the boundaries that I need to.
