Some comments, suggestions, advice:...It’s only a few hour of your L’s time.
Very well said DNJ.
So Rock, there is an art and a science on how to respond. This is a great example:
Originally Posted by DnJ
STBXW: My new proposal is that we talk to a mediator instead of lawyers since it will save us a lot of money as we move forward redefining our relationship.
Rock: Needless fighting is what will waste our money. Send me your proposal of how you see us splitting up our marital assets and I will look it over.
You pick out key phrases from HER STATEMENTS like "Save us lots of money" and then you add the truth dart of "Needless fighting"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I have never wanted to fight with you, and I still don’t. I don’t believe that either of us have the expertise or knowledge of how to separate our assets. It’s kind of like asking me how to fix the car and then you deciding if that’s the right way or not. We just don’t know because neither of us has any education or knowledge about this. I had made some suggestions previously, and then you just told me how it was going to be and I had to go along with it. I would much prefer if we could work with someone who could hear both perspectives and help us come to a kind and thoughtful agreement.
Oh my goodness. Divorce is not some rose petalled path. Kind and thoughtful? Seriously?!? It’s not marriage counseling, she’s asking for a divorce. Oh how they do try to ease their conscience and guilt. Sheesh. Affairs, betrayal, lying, etc.
Rock, I got all kinds of alarm bells going off when I read her reply. Does this sound like her? Or does it sound like she getting some coaching?
And her statement of neither of you, her, having no education or knowledge of divorce, is BS! After all this time, she expects you to believe she’s not googled divorce. Doesn’t know the likely arrangements. Doesn’t know your rights. Doesn’t know what you can waive and what you cannot. In my opinion, she’s got a plan, or trap, and she wants you to walk/play right into it.
Stick to your guns and path. Let her do the heavy lifting.
However, that being said about heavy lifting, how do you want the assets split up? Do you have a reasonably fair arrangement where you can keep the house, or sell it, whichever way you’d wish to do it. Maybe you want to have your lawyer draft up a proposal and send it to her. You can well place the ball in her court that way.
Take a few days, or a week, before replying to her. (If you even do.) There is no question in there, or anything that requires a quick response.
Don’t worry about upsetting her. I mean, what’s she going to do, divorce you?
This is likely the biggest financial decision of your life. Don’t go it alone. Have professional guidance. And take all the time you need.
How are the mountains? Clear skies? Lots of stars?
Here for you buddy.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
You’ve made your position very clear. She hasn’t asked a direct question in her last message. She’s baiting you. Playing all those same tricks she has played for years.
Old Rock responds because he wants to appease her and try to keep the peace. Don’t be old Rock.
There is zero reason for you to communicate any further on this.
Got home from the mountains. W texted asking if she could come over and make dinner for S and I. I wasn’t up for that. I went to church tonight and W was there. I kept my focus and mind off her. Tonight she messaged me “…Things are not going well for me.”
Haven’t responded yet.
Excited about work tomorrow and this upcoming week. Continuing my daily walking and gently starting to incorporate a bit more running. Strength training as well. Plan to dance at least once this week.
