Yesterday I took my kids and one of their friends to an outdoor expo, it was a blast. There was a trout tank so the kids each got to catch a fish, and for their friend it was the first time he had ever done that (I fish a lot with my kids but they still enjoyed it).
W came home around noon while I was out for a run, had two drinks and then left to drink elsewhere until 7. We then watched a movie as a family, but she snapped endlessly at the kids for being "too squirmy". I had planned to take all three kids for an outdoor day today and invited W along but she declined. Instead I am taking S8 and S5 while W takes D5 for a girls day.
It's been 5 months since DDay and the MR has not improved - if anything it's declined a bit. I sense that W is still very satisfied with the way we're living which is basically divorced. She continues to drink heavily on the weekends and sees herself as the victim.
I would like input from the board on how to have the divorce conversation. I am not going to accept this life for myself or my kids and I'm ready to assert that with W. Up until now the only sober conversations we've had have been her saying there is no way she would agree to D unless she gets the house and custody, and that we can continue to live the way we're living. This is unacceptable to me. She'll be out of town the weekend of feb 10 visiting her sister and I plan to approach her the following week while the kids are at school and it's quiet at home. The conversation I have in mind goes something like this:
"W, for some time now we've been disconnected and it doesn't work for me. I know how difficult the last three years have been for you and I appreciate you finally telling me about the PA. I had hoped that once it was out in the open things would improve, but unfortunately all I see is more of the same. I no longer want to live this way and I 'm prepared to file D. Let's talk about what that would look like."
I've decided that for us to remain married she would need to agree to some basic transparency about the PA, go to IC, and stop drinking. Sadly I don't believe she would consider any of that, and she has said as much over the last few months.
