The more I've been talking to friends about it, the more they have pointed out instances where he's blamed me unfairly and I realise it's a standard pattern. He can't see issues from anyone else's perspective other than his own and will ask the same questions over and over like he's looking for me to give him a different answer. If I do answer differently, then he accuses me of being a liar all along. I also analyse situations and look at them with the benefit of hindsight whereas he is taken right back to that moment and feels like it's happening to him now. I can then see things differently - through different perspectives/the bigger picture but he sees it as me 'changing my story'.
In quieter moments, he fully admits his guilt over the affair and can talk rationally, even admitting that it's entirely his problem that he can't see issues rationally. But when the anger rises, as it usually does, he's straight back into defensive, childish mode, blaming and goading me.
