Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

[Card29]

Quick update. I’ve decided not to job hunt right now, but rather to turn around my performance at my current job first. It has been terrible, honestly. I’m depleting a bank of 10 years of great work. If I took a new job, I dont want to start somewhere new while I’m scatter brained, strugging to focus, etc. So I’m trying to rededicate in my current role and get back to performing like I have before.

The gym has really been helping me mentally lately. In the fall, it helped with the emotions, burning off excess adrenaline, etc. But now it is approaching a habit. I’m starting to really notice and feel the results. It’s giving me confidence that I can turn things around at work, too, and I’m already hearing compliments there.

Now for some probably not-so-good news. I’m in an internal battle right now. I thought I was settling comfortably into single life. And I still have absolutely no desire for a relationship. But soon after my last post, I connected with a girl that I’ve known for a few years. We were mutual acquaintances, no history, not even friendship. But there has been an obvious spark. Nothing has happened beyond the night we bumped into each other (talking and playing games at a friend’s house), and texting since then. I know it should not progress beyond this, and I should let it die on the vine since I’m not ready to go anywhere with it. But it’s like a drug. The ability to have long chats with someone like this, I’ve been missing it for a long time, long before W left. I thought I was going to cave and invite her over tomorrow to watch tennis late (she’s also a fan, and the Australian Open is on super late/early on the US east coast). Maybe fate intervened; W offered some bonus days with S2 so she could go on a trip, so I get the little guy early. Therefore invitation was sent to the girl. I have my last counseling appt scheduled next week, so I should make it to that without any meet ups. IC has been invaluable and I expect her to steer me in a productive direction.