Thank you, I've just been working through this. I've ordered a copy of the DB book and I'm going to print out Sandi's rules and keep them handy.
The MLC information posted on another recent thread was eye-opening. DH has a lot of childhood and teen trauma that he's refused to seek help for and although I know it has a huge effect on him, I'd never thought that it could be rearing it's head and triggering the MLC. DH and the OW bonded over shared childhood trauma (both lost a parent young) and also had discussed delinquent instances, stemming from a realisation that their work colleagues had no idea of the sort of people they had been when younger and had roundly criticised others for things DH and the OW had both done as kids.
I'm currently reading the thread on pursuit and distance which is resonating so much! It explains all the blowing hot and cold and now that I've pulled back from him, he cannot do enough for me. Even buying me gifts when he's supposed to be saving up to move out and showering me with affection, staring at me like he can't get enough of me. Complaining that I'm messaging another man I've met, even though he is in a long distance relationship with OW.
