Went out for two non-alcoholic beers with a friend who is two months sober yesterday. This guy has engaged in some of the most self-destructive behavior you can imagine for many years: severe binge drinking, philandering, etc. I was unaware the depths to which he sank. He is financially successful but his family and personal life have suffered greatly. Late last year he decided he'd had enough and wanted to turn his life around, which he is doing with the help of intensive therapy. I am very proud of him and told him as much.
Our conversation ran far and wide, from family to work to marriage. He does not know the details of my sitch and I haven't shared specifics, but I did tell him things are not good and I'm looking to expand my social circle beyond the main group I've been hanging with the last 3 years. I'm looking forward to connecting more with him.
For as long as I've been with my W (13 years) her brothers have been my closest friends. I always considered myself fortunate to have them as BILs because we were so close and it was never forced - we hung out because we loved each other. The revelation that they knew about the PA and never told me or earnestly encouraged my W to tell me has been very hurtful and I am not in communication with them any more. As I said here in my last thread, I told one of them directly that the lying changed things between us. We've gone from hanging out multiple times per week to not hanging out at all.
However, I'm eager to not be a bitter and self righteous guy about this. In keeping with advice received here I am focused on forgiving the action but holding the person accountable. What this looks like I'm not sure yet, but these guys are my kids's uncles (and I'm theirs) and we will have a life long relationship no matter what happens in my MR. More to come.
As I type this my wife is yelling at the kids during the morning routine, which is very normal. She is a ball of stress and I fight daily not to "fix it". Things between us remain cool and I am focused on GAL and 180s.
