Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I did leave them there. this last friday night was great with actual conversation and joking. On saturday I went to a church breakfast and when I came back the kids and him were awake and the kids made some breakfast for themselves, He had worked late friday night and I hadn't seen any of yalls comments at the time. He had mentioned that he was wore out and was going to cook bacon and eggs. I wasn't going to cook him all that but offered to cook him some biscuits and gravy. he started in with some soft nitpicking and just rolled on down the hill of how I messed up the breakfast.
Now I knew he only took two biscuits and that he normally always eats a lot more but after hearing how bad they were I threw them and all the gravy away. He came in and seen it. was passive aggressive and then a bit later pitched a fit and monsterd at the kids. the kids and I left and a few hours later he took care of a chore I had asked him a few weeks ago to do and then went on the rest of the day like normal.
Sunday was great and when I got home from a store run he had washed his dishes. he seemed stressed but was good to me and the kids. today however when I got up I seen he was still sleeping. He likes to wake the kids up for school and watch a little tv so i just woke him up and let him wake the kids up. I went in the living room after getting my hair started and sat with my daughter for a sec. he then made a comment that this was their time, he gets them ready for school and I was intruding on that.That I have of course NEVER done anything to get them ready, when Yes he wakes them up and in the living room but i do teeth, shoes, cloths, showers, hair and lunches. (even his grandparents had told me when we lived with them between houses that he never did any of the kid work) So he kept on as I was leaving the room and I snapped a little. Told him That if I remember correctly I had been doing it all by myself while he was gone with his affair partner for a year. I know I shouldn't have but it just came out. So he had mad and cussed me out as I was walking away and then I thought to myself if I am intruding on him getting the kids ready for school that I wouldn't intrude at all.I got myself ready and got ready to go. he asked if I was going to do all the other stuff and I told him that I didnt realize I had been intruding and would leave that all to him and not mess with his system.
He got snippy but when I got to work he sent a long book of a txt with some apologies but also basically that yes he made some bad choices when he was gone (he was still home when he was cheating at first till I found out) but that the affair and me leaving was my fault. He did say he didn't mean to hurt my feeling and he just wanted some of his own time with the kids but that he handled it badly. But to be honest I dont think it was as much of remorse than it was him realizing he is going to have to do all that with two young kids. When he was gone and lived at his moms she took care of the kids when they were there and if not here his affair partner did so he knows it isn't what he wants to do.
But non the less at east a little half apology form him is more than what I have gotten in the past 17 months. I never responded to the txt and just left it. I used to try and justify myself and hope he would see my point but I just left it. I know I need to be better at this. And in answer to one of the questions he does sometimes acknowledge and say thank you for things. He will tell the kids to say thank you also and that diner was good or to help out.
I have noticed that he is starting to try and do something to redeem himself in small ways when he is ugly towards me. usually act of service in some small way other than words for sure. it is normally something that he should have done anyway but still an improvement from the man I have no doubt would have walked over my dead body to get to his girlfriend, so I am trying to look at the good and positive. i definitely see the one step forward with two back many days. But at the same time feel it is so close to a breakthrough some days.i dont want to give up just yet, if for nothing else it is keeping my kids from being exposed to a blatant affair and the toxic things that him and his little "friend were showing my little ones.
Thank you all for everything. some days it is just nice to be able to vent to people that understand and dont act like I am stupid for even staying.
