I hear your points. Last night was not the time to effectively assert myself because she was drunk and itching for a fight. I mostly stayed quiet and handled business while she made indirect jabs at me. Sometime today I will tell her "Last night was not okay with me. If you host a party, you need to help with the cleanup."
Earlier in the weekend she had been rude and swore at me when I was asking her a question so I looked her in the eye and firmly said "We don't speak to one another in that tone" and walked away. She was highly apologetic and followed me around explaining herself.
This morning I was busy working and let her handle the usual routine of kids/getting out of the house which is very chaotic.
Just now she emailed me to make me aware of a clothing sale for a brand I like. This is the part of the process I don't like: we have zero connection and she's hostile to me when drunk, then she shoots me an email like that as if things are normal. I used to guess at what something like this would mean but I no longer do that.
