I agree with Boat. She's throwing a tantrum because she senses that what she's been doing may be having less and less of an impact on you. It may be frustration, trying to re-assert some control by doing what worked for her before, or, who knows. It doesn't matter; you do YOU!
Same with boundaries. She decided to have a party and make the mess; she cleans it up. My W would do something similar until I pointed out 1) D13 and I had nothing to do with the mess and 2) while I'm happy to occasionally help (because I don't believe in keeping score of who is doing more or less - we all get overwhelmed and need help with "our" stuff at times, etc.), I'm also not someone that others can dump all their responsibilities on to.
