24

[DnJ]

Good Morning Rock

Hope you had a great weekend, and are headed into the work week with head held high and a spring in your step. This business is important, yet not all consuming. Especially if one lets a lawyer do the back and forth.

Some comments, suggestions, advice:


STBXW: My original proposal was that we could be friends that would enjoy spending time together and maybe even have meaningful conversations about our relationship. It makes me sad that you cannot spend 2 minutes with me anymore, but thats okay. Although it does leave me confused when you say you are married but are unable to have a coffee with your “wife”.
My new proposal is that we talk to a mediator instead of lawyers since it will save us a lot of money as we move forward redefining our relationship.

She is being purposefully vague and dancing around things. Likely waiting for you to fall into her trap.

Personally, I see very little sincerity in her words.

“we could be friends that would enjoy spending time together and maybe even have meaningful conversations”. Huh? She’s had two years and hasn’t showing that. Her conversations have been confrontational and manipulative. Remember when she thought she should have the bed from the house? Like her back is more important than your’s. Like she shouldn’t have consequences for her choice to live at her Mom’s place.

You asked her to send you her proposal and she purposefully took it the wrong way. The proposal on how to split up assets, not some proposal on how our relationship is going to be going forward. That is pure gaslighting and manipulation. She initiated this divorce talk conversation, then “misunderstands / misinterprets” your response to try to get you to take lead; to lob the first volley.

“It makes me sad that you cannot spend 2 minutes with me anymore, but thats okay.” Really? Is she okay with it. Do you feel, think, or believe her intent was a nice sweet conversation and mean ol’ Rock ruined that? She attempting to play your emotions. “But”, pure deflection and misdirection.

I’ll get back to her meditation comments in a moment. First:

I am open to mediation but I believe it’s best for us to negotiate first and then to go with mediation if needed.

Why do you believe that? If you believe that why preface it with “I am open to mediation”?

“But” muddles things, muddles thinking, justifies things one knows are not good for them.

Mediation is dispute resolution through the use of a third party. Dispute resolution. Her suggesting mediation indicates there is a dispute, which she feels will not be resolved easily or well.

If she gets you into mediation, I think she’ll run right over you. And in some locales mediation resolution is legally enforceable.

Consider this:

STBXW: My new proposal is that we talk to a mediator instead of lawyers since it will save us a lot of money as we move forward redefining our relationship.

Rock: Needless fighting is what will waste our money. Send me your proposal of how you see us splitting up our marital assets and I will look it over.


Then, take it to your lawyer. If her proposal is ok, have your L write it up, you sign it, and your lawyer sends it to her L for her signature. If her proposal requires tweaking, your L will draft up a response proposal, which is usually signed by you, and has an expiration date, and they will send it to her L. The, the ball is in her court. She can agree and sign, or counter propose.

If she is truly open to not wasting money, and the intent and spirit of mediation, then mediation is not required. It’s only a few hour of your L’s time.

D