You need to get to the point that anything she says, no matter how good or bad it is, has no emotional impact on you.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
This shows me that your ARE NOT DBing. Where in DB are you supposed to "engage; playfully"?!?
Remember, you treat her like the cashier at the store. You do not initiate engagement. If she does, be upbeat, confident, pleased and fulfilled, but only answer her questions. Do not offer more. And then be the one to the the engagement. "I have something I need to do it or somewhere I need to be." Then walk away. Do not apologize for it, just state the above and go.
You're correct. Prior to last weekend I had been consistently DB'ing since November and then I lost the plot in an effort to prove myself to her. What a mistake. As of right now I will course correct and get back on the DB path.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
The course and sex therapist alarms me. It sounds like you are still planning on following through with the "good sex with wife" plan. What makes your think that it in any way is a good plan? She won't even be playful with you! Stop doing things for her benefit! Improve for your and your kids and only you and your kids.
Again, you're right. A huge part of me wanted to prove my prowess to her after hearing her say she's unsatisfied. However the PE is an actual issue that I want to solve for myself. I have the gift of time, as DnJ says, and if I can address some performance issues myself I want to do that. So I plan to continue the program and not test it on her
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Have you picked a drop dead date? You need one! Pick one. "If she's not fully committed back to the marriage by this date, I'm going to have my lawyer file for D."
Originally Posted by Boat14
This is correct but keep in mind that by the time you got here she had completely checked out of the marriage. When you think of time and space to miss you we are likely talking years.
February 16 is the date I plan to file. I know my W and I haven't seen much from her that suggests she is planning to commit. Like I said earlier, I believe she is enjoying the space she's getting right now, which is to be expected. February 16 will be 5 months since D-Day, and 3+ years of disconnection since the PA. What's kept me from filing up until now is that I'm not sure I was prepared to follow through, but I am more comfortable with it every day. I spend a lot of alone time with just me+kids and I really enjoy it, and the idea of living without the chaos of my W's behavior appeals to me. Filing in Feb gives us time to sort details and prepare to sell the house once the kids are out of school.
