I need help now that he is coming home

[jessieht]

So, I have to give this man an A for problem solving I guess. So about 2 weeks ago I said we were all going to start washing our own dishes in the house. I don’t mind helping the kids but I also get all the pans and stuff so I don’t feel I should have to come home to a sink full of his when he is off all day. I have not done a 180 on this and have really been doing all the little wifey stuff and bending over backwards because i didn't want him to feel I wasn't a good wife and someone else would do it better for him.

So it was going ok, he wasn’t really doing it, however was at least putting water in them to soak so not to big of a deal. That was until a week and a half ago I was taking a timed test in my computer. Mind you he was off that day, the kids were hungry so I put them in a pizza because lord knows he wasn’t going to. He is standing right by the oven and tells me I better come see if it is done. I wasn’t going to argue so I put my laptop down and go check. Wasn’t done. So when it is done I quick run and to get it out and run the pizza cutter over it and set the pizza cutter in the sink so I wouldn’t loos time in my test.

He comes over and sees it and starts talking about how I can’t live by my own rules. I tried explaining that I was taking a test and when ever I put something in there it is me that washes it anyway. Well I should have stopped but after he keeps on saying I was just mad for him calling me out I got mouthy. Told him when I leave dishes in the sink I am the only one that will wash them so I am still washing my own dishes. When he leaves dishes in the sink I am still the only one that washes them. He couldn’t see the difference in this. So he blows up and starts saying how lazy I am. And then said one of the most dumbfounding statements. He said “fine Jessie. I will wash all the dishes and cook all the meals. Bath the kids and sweep and mop the floors. Clean the kids room and do their laundry all while working full time. You just sit there on the couch and do you. And be lazy like that for the rest of your life”

The look of WTF was all over my face for sure. He just listed every single thing I am solely responsible for while he sits in his chair and watches tv, his phone or sleeps. I waisted my breath explaining that that would not be fair either and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing for either of us. We can be partners and help each other out. To which he responded by walking off and screaming “this is why I can’t [censored] stand you”. I stayed away for the rest of the day. Had a little mini breakdown hiding in the bathroom on the phone with a friend.

From that day on I have only washed the kids and my dishes along with any cooking stuff. So by today he has about 6-8 little reusable containers in the sink. He will put water in them but that is it. And yes they do stink a bit. So I came home and seen him eating leftovers again. When he was done I noticed there wasn’t another container in the sink. I figured he threw it away so I checked. Not in the trash. Something inside said “oh not he didn’t” I went to the fridge and oh yes he did. This man ate all but two bites out of this thing and put it back in the fridge. Knowing I won’t wash his dishes but I will clean out the fridge and wash those containers. I mean, cleaver yes. But so infuriating to constantly be called lazy by someone like this.

How do you handle them pushing back from your 180's, and what is good 180"s or not? I don't want him to think I will not be a good wife now that he is home, however he is only doing certain husband things and is still very full of contempt for anything I do. I have been doing a lot of stuff for me and working well at being detached. Just not sure how to tip the scales back to back to positives without being his slave with a shut mouth the rest of my life. or any sort of attraction for a relationship. I always make sure I look nice but he has never been sexually driven at all like most men. So that isn't a lot of help for me.

When I look back his mlc had been going on for about 2 years before bd 17 months ago. I do feel like it peaked and in hindsight we are close now to where we were the few months before bd other than sleeping in the same bed, occasional sex and talking on the phone during the day. I assume that is a good thing. From what I have read mlc is like a balloon going up and it is exited the same as they went in. Do any of you have any insight into this?

That is all rant over. Got to laugh so I do t cry. lol.