In terms of the effect of your drugs and depression, you’re now locked in a pretty tight spot that LOTS of men find themselves in. This is the conundrum:
- You keep experimenting with drugs or growing them, and she will say you are choosing that over her
- If you clean up, throw out all the stuff in your garage and send her a picture to show you’ve chosen her, she’ll say “too late”
All too often, men come here in this same conundrum. If they change something to get their wife back, they just get accused with “too little too late” or “you’re just doing that temporarily to win me back, then you’ll go back to your own ways.”
But there is another solution here:
- throw out your growing stuff, stop exploring with drugs and completely clean up - but don’t tell her. Don’t do it to win her back. Don’t send her photos. Just do it for you. If she happens to realise you’ve done those things without the intention of winning her back, then she might believe the changes are real.
I accept my original comments were hard to hear. That’s okay. You need to get comfortable with being called out on stuff. People who arrive at a divorce busting website often need some pretty tough love. You’ve come here to make changes, so you shouldn’t be afraid of some difficult advice.
We don’t do it to be mean or cruel. But sometimes, a 2x4 can be the slap in the face that is needed to get people thinking and behaving differently.
To that end, and bearing in mind I only want to help and be kind, a few things I’ve noticed:
- you keep referring to illegal drugs as psychedelics. That’s what people do when they try and minimise and downplay things. In the past, you’ve chosen to grow and use illegal drugs. It doesn’t make that any less of an issue by calling them a different, less controversial name.
- you also talked about your wife participating. Have you ever considered she did this because she felt trapped into it or pressured? Your perspective was “she took drugs so she was really condoning and supporting it”, but I’m pretty sure her perspective would have been “I’m tired of fighting this, maybe I’ll just try it because I give up”.
Keep hanging in there. It will get easier, take it a day at a time.
