M, I completely understand the want/need to do a temp check from time to time. It's where one knows where one stands.
But I do also hope you realize that these conversations are not good for YOU. And TBH - I'm not if it provides any info that you don't already know or that they somehow prove your wife is "not done" with the marriage.
I second Steve with the birthday party. Even if she's not trying to relieve guilt - she certainly won't be sober for it which will only lead to a disaster for you. You don't deserve to be a punching bag EVER but specifically on this day.
Alcohol is not a "truth serum". Being drunk does not equal "it's my way to tell you how I really feel". It is a decision made because she is incapable of coping with her feelings in a healthy way so this gives her a excuse to say and do what SHE wants. Please try to see it for what it is. It speaks more about her issues versus yours.
I know how tough it is when your spouse makes those comments. When I quit smoking - I had gained 20 lbs. My xw had the nerve to tell me that "right or wrong - she didn't feel as attracted to me". I was crushed and it affected me a long time.
But over a decade later - I can look and see those were her issues. She was overweight and her mom said beautiful = skinny. So that was her lense. Your wife has her.
The body, cologne, nice clothes are only a very small part of the equation. Lord knows their are plenty of men out there who have those things and still give off the "doucheb@g" vibe.
The attraction comes down to YOU believing you are the prize. Even if your wife doesn't chose you in the end... it doesn't devalue you. Remember that.
Just as you believe she is worth fighting for. So are you M.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
