W seems to have taken the talk well. Let’s see how/if her actions match up with her words.
Yes, this is the key here. Thanks for the reminder.
Regarding forgiveness, I have not yet forgiven her. To me, that would mean I can love her without the weight of her actions dragging me down. It would mean I have graduated beyond allowing someone else's actions to impact my own self worth. At the moment, I am overly concerned with her actions: when she goes out, socializes, etc. it looks to me like the behavior of someone who doesn't care what happens. How can I forgive someone who seems so indifferent to what she's done? I understand that forgiveness is for me and not her. But in a sense, I want her to want my forgiveness, and I'm not sure she cares. She acknowledged just now that she feels bad that she humiliated me, and she's said this before. But again, I don't sense that she sees me as the prize, as the man she wants above all others, and that my forgiveness would mean much to her.
Re-reading that I can see how it's very "her" focused and not "me" focused, and my focus should be on me. But it's an honest description of how I feel now.
