Two key and seemly common points from her: She doesn’t want a D. She sounds willing to consider arrangements (for you and her, and in what form that be, still to be determined. The thing is, she is open to it).
True, but much of her considerations fall under the category of "let's stay together for logistics purposes, but have other relationships outside the marriage". The other night she suggested this again, saying "you can do whatever you want, I just don't want to find out about it". I know this is her projecting, because that is what she wants. It's not what I'll accept for myself.
Originally Posted by bustorama
Third, part of being a man is accepting and then handling your issues, especially those that intersect with your partner. Like DNJ said, PE is not uncommon -- you're not alone -- and there are proven treatments to help address it -- you can do something. If you have looked into these before, it's time to do so again and up your game. You need to do this for yourself because it it will impact your sense of self and future relationships (with her or anyone else)
Agreed. I have actually already addressed this and have medications that should help. The issue is we haven't had sex since Dday in September, so I haven't been able to test drive anything. And when she mentioned to me that she has a strong desire for sex and then seemed completely uninterested in it when we started, it was difficult to process.
Originally Posted by bustorama
When she told you that she had pleasured herself, I hear that you felt shocked. Why do you think? Have you not pleasured yourself, esp. during this estrangement? It's kind of hot that your W pleasures herself. She's a sexual being. Did you tell her that's effing hot? If you felt threatened by it, why do you think?
The shock was mostly bc in the past, she has been adamant that she has no libido. But the other night she told me the opposite, and that she is very horny. She openly and candidly admitted that she is not attracted to me and doesn't know if she ever will be again. That hurt to hear then and it hurts to type now. I know from my months/years of work on myself that you should add "right now" to the end of anything a woman says, but this trend has been in place for some time despite my changes.
I handled the situation well IMO. I told her I'm glad she is taking care of herself, but that we should take care of each other. Then I asked her to tell me what she thinks about while doing it, which she balked at and then asked what I think of, which I shared.
Overall I am proud of how I've handled the last couple of days. Months ago I would have moped around the house but now I'm all good, DB'ing and getting on with GAL. At some point yesterday the conversation was referenced and she said "I didn't mean any of that. You say stuff you don't mean when you're drunk too." Nonetheless I cannot ignore the fact that my W - who had at least one PA - has admitted she is not sexually satisfied and doesn't seem interested in working on it. Now I find myself dead set on proving my sexual prowess to her when I should be focused on dropping the rope and opening the cage door.
In other news, I went skydiving this weekend. What a rush!
