Hey, 7. My quick reaction is that standing your ground about not sharing specifically who you were talking to is the right path. You could say "I remain respectful of my marriage" or "I'm not a cheater" or something similarly simple that gets the point across. Others may have better suggestions.
Some might say that you flat out owe her nothing and that can also be true. To me, leaving her with an idea that you could be cheating doesn't seem productive. Confidently showing that you're living by your values is always fine IMHO. Beyond that, who specifically you spoke to isn't relevant.
You acknowledge a few spots where you could improve and that's a good sign of your awareness. Yes, talking with friends and family is not recommended. Not everyone has the luxury of an IC, priest, or other person outside their circle. Ultimately, you do what you need to do and as long as you're also able to self-soothe (not become overly reliant on others for comfort).
I'll think more about your most recent situation and be back on tomorrow if I anything potentially helpful comes to mind. I hope you can shift your perspective to other, positive topics tonight.
