Thanks for the replies and guidance—it definitely helps. Since new years it’s been up & down. The thing that mainly irritated her about NYE was that I wouldn’t tell her who I went to new years with. She said a lot of manipulative things in the 2 days that followed and asked what we both could do to get back together. I ended up taking the bait and gave up that there was no one with me at new years. It wasn’t an important fact to me but it was immense to her so I let her have it. Big mistake. As soon as I told her that info she started closing back up. I saw the truth about an hour after the fact and even started poking about a few aspects. Sigh—she got me. I was disappointed in myself for a couple days after this then decided to just move on. The days after that were pretty good. She got a virus. I went with a buddy to shoot pool one day when she was sick—decided she didn’t really need my help and my happiness was worth more. A week later I went to a work happy hour which I would have previously foregone since it ignores her and causes friction. Also one night D7 told me good night but not my W … which made W really mad. I saw it happen in real time and helped my daughter avoid a bigger blow up with a few quick words. That was for D not me or my W. All in all the events of the past week and half were calm and not focused on W. Also in the past week I was able to separate the cell phones and billing. That was a huge pain in the rump dealing with the provider but it felt good to take control. That takes me to today. All was good and I was planning some home repairs but wife convinced me to delay those plans to go to breweries with her. I was waffling whether I should skip and called my support person to get a second opinion. Support was busy so couldn’t talk. Called me back right as I was going into the house from taking D7 to a sleepover so I went back outside to talk for a few minutes. It turns out wife heard this and blew up. Called me then hopped in her suv and tracked me down the block to ask who I was talking to. I wouldn’t disclose—similar to original NYE. I just said it was none of her business. She went nuclear and drove off. Then called and we played 20 questions a couple times. Also, I got too focused on defending from disclosing my info too much to effectively validate her. She basically pointed this out in the convo. I stayed even keel emotionally even when she was screaming but I lost sight of this goal. In hindsight I was on the call far too long and never did disclose. I hung up once but felt bad hanging up when she called back—doh. She basically said it wasn’t fair that she answered all my questions about her affair to me but that I wouldn’t tell her who I talked to. I finally got off the phone. Then there were angry texts and more calls that I ended after 60 seconds—guess I learned. Again, I find myself in a situation where the info I’m “protecting” doesn’t seem worth the cost/impact but the whole situation feels more about control and respect and testing than the specific info. My “support” was my mom (I know this violates one of the DB rules) so it definitely wasn’t cheating. This isn’t the battle I wanted (happened by accident) but I feel obligated to see it to the end to establish respect. I feel like she’s testing me and my strength. Curious if any disagrees or has general advice. I’m not scared of when she gets home tonight but I’m also not looking forward to it.
