Maturin - My Story (2)

[Maturin]

I guess my idea of visualizing cheese sitting on a trap didn't help either darn it!

It had worked nicely in two earlier discussions, but on Saturday night I let my guard down.

I can't recall if you're seeing an IC.

I am, and I journal, and have a few close friends who are not in our direct circle that I vent to about things when needed.

If she is crying out of remorse, that is a good thing.

Hard for me to say, especially since she was drunk. She normally cries about this stuff when drinking and while I don't think they're crocodile tears, they certainly have a "woe is me" flavor. I recall Sandi's writing talking about crying as a WW manipulation tool and that's how I have interpreted her crying episodes. Manipulation and garden variety feeling sorry for herself.

Again, I don't think you messed up. As long as you keep focused on remaining calm and controling your emotions rather than letting your emotions control you.

R2C, your comments lifted my spirits y'day when I first read them because they helped me re-frame the interaction. Yes, I asserted my expectations and what I will and won't tolerate. But the conversation also included criticisms from me that were not helpful and probably felt like pressure. As much as I wish it came across as "Listen, the way you want to live doesn't work for me, like I've said before. But it's your choice. Anyway, I've been gone all day so I'm going to go spend time w the kids." It probably sounded more like "I've told you before I won't put up with the partying and trashy behavior and it's weird that we don't have sex!" I see it now as overly critical and not akin to dropping the rope.

Overall my disappointment stems from the fact that I see this episode as a step backwards after months of consistency, and one of Sandi's 37 rules is "Do not backslide from your hard earned changes." The moment I walked in the door I considered saying hello and then leaving, because I knew there was a risk of something like this happening, especially with alcohol flowing. The good news is that I was away w the kids most of y'day and we were very much reset - back to being cordial and focused on me.

Other than that the weekend was great, spent lots of time w the kids making memories. Today I go out of town for work. Thanks to all of you for weighing in, it helped me remained focused on identifying the problems and moving on.