Hey Maturin. I'm just playing catch up after enjoying some of my last holiday time off. I wanted to comment on a few things from your earlier post.
Only you can decide if you're truly ready to call it quits. As other continue to suggest, if you are divorce "busting" in the sense MWD describes "you have to be patient, very a patient". IMHO, it seems stil early in your process. To me (and I can be wrong) it sounds like you're interested in moving out to avoid discomfort, rather learning master that discomfort so it has not power over you, especially in your own home. Don't move out, at least not w/o talking with your L first.
You asked the "how long" question so let me share a bit of my story. The first time I DB'd with my W, we'd been at it for ~1-2 years. The MLC that begain prior to the pandemic seems to have resurfaced now (about the 4-4.5 year mark from BD1, with menopause now adding fuel to the fire) and lead to BD2 a few months ago. We pieced then R'd up until a few months ago when a conflict between my W and my mother re-opended old wounds for W. For the record, I had my W's back. It led her to feel like maybe she "just isn't cut out for all the comes with relationships".
At the same time, because I've been continuously working on myself and seeing an IC, I've felt better since the end of year two to early third year. I am the prize. I feel good about the work I've put in. If our M ends in D this time, I will feel a better sense of closure. I am confident I'm going what is w/i my control . To me, that is the point each of us has to arrive at in whatever time it takes (within reason) to be in the right place to decide to pull the plug.
In my experience, it is normal to wonder if you're crazy, missing out, wasting time, and similar things while going through it. Feelings...nothing more than feelings...as an old song goes. It feels very Star Wars-like (yet appropraite) to suggest that you master your feelings or they will master you. Anxiety is a bundle of those feelings. If you're not familiar with Acceptance and Committment Therapy (ACT), I recommend looking into it. I found it helpful in taming GAD and being better at DBing.
Also, no saying I love you, especially if doing so feels uncomfortable. Too soon. We've talked before about both experiencing temperature checks and, to me, those sounded like temp checks by your W. Picture cheese sitting on a trap next time if she says those words again and avoid that bait.
